Breakfast police

Every now and then, when one of the guys in my team is in vacation and I have to cover for them, I get to spend a week in this small ass village at the end of the world. Like last week. From what I know, there is only one decent hotel and that’s where I stay. The hotel itself is not that bad, the building is relatively new, 3 stars, the studio-type room I usually get is big enough, “free” internet (the hamsters pushing the bits are a bit worn out though).

But that’s not what I want to talk about, I want to talk about the breakfast. You can have breakfast in the basement, where the mess hall is. The second you go through the door, you are intercepted by a member of the breakfast Police, as I like to call them. It consists of 2-3 women which take care of the whole breakfast area, the food and so on. So right after you get through the door, someone suddenly shows up: “What is your room number?“. Without exception, this messes up my morning for several reasons.

First of all, I don’t like people who don’t give me peace in the morning when I am not even awake yet. I like to sit at my table undisturbed and drink my coffee/tee without someone annoying the shit out of me with stupid questions. Secondly, they check you up so that you don’t come there and eat your food if you didn’t pay for breakfast. So guilty until proven innocent, very nice. Anyway, I tell them my room number and I try to move on. Wrong move!. “Please leave your backpack over there!”. So you can’t take your backpack with you because, like the thief you are, you might steal food. I am not kidding, that’s the real reason, they even have a thingy on the wall saying so. You are not allowed to take an apple or another roll with you when you leave. The fact that I pay additionally for breakfast seems irrelevant to them. Besides, I don’t like leaving my backpack with the laptop and many other things out of sight but trying to argue with them is useless. I tried to do that at the beginning but then I just gave up. I just told myself that I will sue them if someone steals my backpack.

Like most hotels, breakfast is a swedish buffet where everyone takes what they need. Besides the fact that they put parsley on the scrambled eggs (yuck!) the food is good, coffee as well, fresh rolls of all kinds and so on. And everything is perfectly arranged. Much too perfect. Annoyingly perfect. Everything is lined up to the milimeter, the plates, cups, glasses. The slices of salami, ham and cheese are arranged in a perfect symmetry. Even the damned boiled eggs are arranged in a symmetric pattern. Someone over there has some serious issues, I would say.

In the end I would’ve gotten over it, a bit of order is good. But what’s incredible is that after someone got some food and went back to their table, a member (or two!) of the breakfast police shows up immediately. A cup or a glass was taken ? The rest is rearranged. A plate was slightly moved ? Then it’s moved back into place. A cheese slice is missing ? The rest is rearranged to keep the symmetry. The fork on the ham plate is not in the approved possition ? It’s moved immediately. I think they do that every 2 minutes or so, they come, they inspect, they rearrange.

I just usually watch them with fascination. It’s so stupid that it becomes funny. I actually can’t help it and, with some sort of sick pleasure, I do whatever I can to mess up the symmetry when I get some food: I take my cup from the back row, same with the glasses, I move the plates a bit, the salami slices, the boiled eggs, the honey pot. But in a few minutes one of them shows up and repairs my damage. All this is in stark contrast with the hotel I usually stay at in München. Over there nobody messes up with you in the morning, you can have breakfast in peace. Everything is arranged nicely as well but nobody has this sick obsession with perfection and symmetry, nobody gives a damn what you do with your backpack and so on.

With some luck I won’t visit this hotel in the near future!

6 Responses to “Breakfast police”

  1. Freya says:

    very funny to read but it would annoy the hell out of me :)

  2. brontozaurel says:

    [:ro]Da, e foarte amuzant sa incerc sa vizualizez.

    Chestia cu aranjatul simetric o faceam si eu mereu de fiecare data cand facea mama ceva dulciuri. Cum luam o bucata, cum rearanjam totul intr-un nou mod in asa fel incat sa pastrez o geometrie frumoasa pe farfurie.

    [:en]Yes, it’s really funny to try to visualize it.

    I used to arrange symmetrically the sweets my mother used to make and whenever I (or somebody else) took a piece, I would rearrange the whole thing in order to still have a perfect and beautiful geometrical shape on the plate.

    • Stefan says:

      [:en]As I was saying, I like order too but these women were taking that to the extreme, borderline with obsession ;-)
      [:ro]Dupa cum ziceam, si mie imi place ordinea si simetria insa femeile alea merg prea departe, undeva spre obsesie ;-)

  3. Ciupercutza says:

    Am ris si mi-am imaginat figura ta uimita in timp ce nebunele alea aranjau feliile de sunca :D Si tu, raule, le strici ordinea acolo … tz tz tz

    Mi-a placut mult cum ai povestit :)

  4. Stefan says:

    [:ro]A trebuit sa le stric smecheria, pur si simplu nu m’am putut abtine ;-)
    [:en]I just had to mess up their small, ordered little world. I just had to ;-)

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